When You Feel Like an Outsider

There are moments, especially in group settings, when I tend to get quieter and take a step back. I watch the room instead of being in it. It is not that I feel unwelcome. It is not that anyone is doing anything wrong. It is just a familiar shift into observing rather than participating, and even though it feels natural, it still makes me wonder why it happens. Why is it that with the people I should feel the most comfortable, I feel the most like an outsider? The answer might be that with people I know well, I am not forced to talk. I can just be myself. But when I am uncomfortable, I often talk more to fill the space.

Thinking about that brought me to this week’s parsha. Yosef is surrounded by brothers, yet he never fully blends into the rhythm of the group. Everyone else seems synced with each other, and he moves differently. On the surface, it looks like distance or rejection. But when you look closer, those moments are exactly what prepare him for what comes next. Being slightly outside the circle shapes how he sees things. The very experiences that make him feel separate are what build the perspective he will need later.

The more I sit with that, the more I realize it might be true for me too. When I get quiet, it does not always mean I am disconnected. Sometimes it is just the way I take in the room. I listen. I observe. I do not need to be the loudest voice to belong. And if there are moments when I want to show up more actively, that is fine too. This week, I want to remind myself that listening is still participating, and observing is still being present. Maybe the way I naturally show up, whether quiet or more engaged, is exactly how Hashem designed me, and exactly what will help me reach my full potential.

Good Shabbos

All the best,

Avroham Y Ross