I Was Never the “Smart Kid” - Acharei-Kedoshim

Throughout elementary, middle, and high school, grade wise, I was never considered a strong student. With the exception of maybe one or two years, I struggled. I remember one sixth-grade test where my teacher and I worked really hard just to earn a 65. I celebrated, even though I essentially failed.

After I finally pushed through and got my high school diploma, I told myself I would never step into a classroom again. It took me a few years to even consider college. Eventually, something changed and I decided to go. I gave it a chance. I worked hard. I focused. Slowly, the results came. I had a 4.0 for three semesters. I graduated with a 3.7 GPA. I’m now in grad school with a 3.9 and doing actual research. The same kid who used to get passed from grade to grade in the resource room is now writing proposals and presenting research ideas to professors. That still surprises me.

A few weeks ago, I saw an opportunity to apply for a research grant. My professor agreed to be my mentor, which meant I had to write a 20-page proposal quickly. I sat for seven hours and finished it in one shot. Over the following days, I kept refining and rewriting. I was asked to explain some major parts, and on Tuesday, a big hole was pointed out that I didn’t know how to fix. I don’t usually go to shul during the week, but that night I felt the need to daven Mincha and Maariv with a minyan. I needed to take a moment and connect. During davening, two thoughts kept coming up: “If it’s meant to be, it will be,” and “He does great things beyond limit, and wonders beyond number. He has kept us alive and did not allow our feet to falter.” If I have gotten this far, why should I stress out now?

In Tanya Chapter 26, the Alter Rebbe talks about staying positive during difficult situations. He explains that sadness can drain a person’s energy, while joy strengthens it. This joy doesn’t have to be loud or emotional. It can be calm and steady, rooted in trust that every step you take matters, even if the outcome is unclear.

The parsha this week, Acharei-Kedoshim, teaches something similar. It does not just command us to "be holy." It says kedoshim tihiyu, you shall become holy. Holiness is not a label. It is a process. It belongs to those who are still in the middle, still showing up, still doing the work.

I’ve learned that showing up matters more than having all the answers. Not every moment leads to a breakthrough. Sometimes it just reminds you that you’re capable of staying in the process. Whether this research grant works out or not, I already gained something valuable. It reminded me that I can keep going, even when it’s hard and even when the outcome isn’t clear. That alone feels like a win.

Good Shabbos! All the best! Avroham Y Ross